“I can only assume that women hate on other women because they’ve run out of things to hate about themselves”-Unknown.

We really need to do better as females………Okay, this is the last post I ever write about this *Might be the first even, not sure*

See, I have a beautiful daughter….she’s 14years old and she’s smart, really bright for her age but she always struggles to make friends. It’s been like this since grade 4…….Girls just don’t take to her and as a parent you can’t help not feel her pain and want to protect her! You also have to pull yourself back from trying to fight her battles but also, as a rational parent you can’t help wonder if it’s her fault……..I mean other kids make friends easily, why can’t she? *Right?!*

So, anyway we moved to another province and the same old problems started, she went to a new school and as typical, the girls at this new school didn’t take to her……* not all obviously but most in her age group and class* And before the move mind you, I sat with her and asked if she would be cool with the move, if she thought she could handle it and she was game *See, if she had said she doesn’t think she would….there was a high possibility that it would never have happened*

Anyway, I was slightly annoyed and baffled…….*Kay make friends, open yourself up, stop with the cocky attitude, be light and nice yada yada crap we mothers dole out* and it didn’t help that we got called in to the office due to her “behaviour” anyway at the office, two things came up: 1…..I’m too hard on this child 2. It was not her fault that girls were not “taking” to her *See, this is a nice word for saying them lil b*s were hating on her* as said by one of the teachers! The teacher said “I know those girls, they can be very cliquey, doesn’t help that your daughter is very pretty and answers all the questions in class”

Okay, honestly…keep up with me, this is so not a post about my daughter, although it smells and looks like her J

This is about us as females constantly bringing each other down, constantly being the block between each other and our aspirations! Talking smack about each other and just being mean and hurtful…unnecessarily so……….see, I will not exclude myself from this coz I’m also as bad at times *which is amazing from someone who grew up hanging around boys, coz I was always so outspoken & still am, to the point of insensitivity at times* We need a cleansing sisters, we really do……….we are our own worst enemies? Listen, I believe men gossip the most *I said it* my male colleague agreed with but said the difference with men and women in terms of gossip was, as women we always make things so scandalous!

The Social Issues Research Centre study on friendship found that an overwhelming number of women did not consider themselves to be “typical girls” and preferred to be friends with guys. “In our female only focus groups a distinctive theme emerging was how women prefer to be seen as one of the lads,” the study reported, “Indeed, many of the women, perhaps inadvertently, reinforced the stereotype of ‘other’ women (i.e. not them) as being bitchy and back stabbing.

 Admittance is the first step and believe me when I say it’s the hardest………*I mean honestly, it can be so fun to hate at times- Beyonce is fake, Nicki Minaj is so naked the list can go on and on* The truth is I am not saying don’t say those things about Beyonce and Nicki but do we do the same to the male artists? Do we wonder why Jason Derulo or Trey Songs are always semi naked? Do we just complain when its women as women? * the artists I mentioned and my views on them and moral degeneration is another topic for another day, not now….today I’m focusing on us females and the hate and shade we throw*

Tons of studies reveal that, unlike men, women will often dislike another woman for no logical reason at all. Females are quick to make negative assumptions, and less likely to become friends with someone who could be perceived as a rival.

What is the purpose of this article? I don’t know…….If I scratch, I would say for my daughter to know that she is not alone? That I hope she doesn’t repeat the cycle *and who am I kidding, I know she probably does coz I’m teaching her how to* to call out our hypocrisy as women, to say can we please be a bit kinder to one another, we don’t always have to do things for other’s benefit, those people are not good people if they have fun when you bring others down, I wrote this for our daughters and our mothers who teach us to hate………See, I have multiple reasons why I do what I do and say what I say about other women * Some of them justified, some not* But the more I write this the more I realise that this is a call out to myself! Its starts with the person in the mirror….wondering how did we get here? I was never like this * Okay, I was the bad kind coz I said it to your face & I’ve been getting the concept of just coz its true doesn’t mean it’s less hurtful- Thanks Hubby for that one*

This is not a post about Kumbaya and some funny lovey huggy sh*t….it’s about being real! It’s about learning to be a better person, it’s about you! The uglier the world becomes the more grounded you need to remain…….we live in a world where it’s okay to be mean, where in some instances its encouraged but unfortunately, with all that, we lose a bit of our humanity……and our daughters are suffering the most! They make bad decisions coz they don’t have sisters to guide and hold their hands when they err! Be that sister…….

Article By Nthabiseng Komane

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