I Had A Dream I Could Buy My Way To Heaven, When I Woke Up I Spend It On Lobola… By Kagiso maloma

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Why the Black Man Will Forever Be Broke and In Debt

Back in the day, the process was as follows…

You meet a girl you like, you start dating and you meet the parents and by the luck of God the dad likes you and doesn’t whip your ass as you had imagined. From there on the 2 families are aligned as to what is going on. Then the Lobola negotiations come up and #Lobola (1) is paid. Then what follows is the #Traditionalwedding (2). And if it’s the right match they have kids and live happily ever after. And Oh, they get 2 funeral plans.

Two hings happened here, lets put monetary value to them

1 #Lobola R40 000 and maybe a Johnny Walker Black bottle to bribe the drunk uncle who holds the most resistance, say R250

2 #Traditional wedding = R50 000

Total Costs R40 000 + R250 + R50 000 = R90 250

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In the Western Culture the process is as follows…

You meet a girl you like, meet the parents after a week or 2 weeks or so (haha no such thing as moving too fast). Then the dude pops the big question, they get Engaged and he buys the #EngagementRing (1) . Then follows the Wedding, lets call it the #WhiteWedding (2). And if it’s the right match they, have kids and live happily ever after. And Oh, they open up 2 investment accounts.

Two hings happened here, lets put monetary value to them

1 #EngagementRings R50 000

2 #Whitewedding R100 000

Total Costs R50 000 + R100 000 = R150 000

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Let’s fast-forward to what happens currently

We as the black community decide our traditional way of doing things isn’t enough, lets adopt this new western culture and see where it takes us as it seems nice.

Lets add up the new inherited costs of the newly adopted culture….

1 #EngagementRings R50 000

2 #Whitewedding R100 000

Total Costs R50 000 + R100 000 = R150 000

Oh wait, we kinda know that we decided to adopt a new culture, but we are Africans, we value tradition right? Hey? Why can’t we have best of both worlds? Obama said YES WE CAN….

So lets add up the costs…

1 #Lobola R70 000 (We have adopted newer rating systems, we paid way too much money to raise our child)

2 #EngagementRings R50 000 (The bigger the diamond, the bigger the love right?)

3 #Traditional wedding = R50 000

4 #Whitewedding R100 000

Total Costs R70 000 + R50 000+ R50 000 + R100 000 = R270 000

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But wait, We do not have that much money!! “Don’t worry babe, I would do anything to prove my love for you”…. Sipho visits the bank and gets a R300 000 loan. Plus interest say it all adds up to R300 000.

The wedding days are over…. We need to get a house and 2 new cars to show people how well off we are, we are working mos….

Three costs are incurred here

1 #FancyCarOne R500 000

2 #FancyCarTwo R400 000

3 #NewHouse R900 000 (We part of the #BlackMiddleClass now so we godda move to the the suburbs)

3 #InitialWeddingLoan R300 000

Sooooo… Does anyone wanna help add up the costs?

R500 000 + R400 000 + R900 000 + R300 000 ……. Add that up!!

A couple of months into the marriage, things go sour due to the extreme debts they have, one party blames the other for all the credit that was acquired in the name of love….. I will not be the one to predict on how the story eventually ends, I’ll give you a hint; Its a sad one…

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Lets stick to our own lane, that way we’ll all be free……

*Lobola – For all the international readers: Lobola is the bride price of appreciation paid by a prospective husband among certain traditions around southern Africa.

 

Article by kagiso Maloma

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