You know, I have just gotten to the point where I’m just so fed up. I can smell bullshit from a mile away and I have just realised how valuable we are (My time and I) hahahaha…I just had a Geordie Shore moment.

Sometimes I feel people (men) are so selfish and the way life has been conditioned for them, it is a challenge to accept that their gender does not always equate to them being the desire of any woman at any moment in time. It is hard for them to understand that some women are just fine without a man. It’s just nicer to go to bed without having to wonder or worry about still being loved, cherished, desired and respected by the person you have decided to be in a relationship with.

There’s no doubt in our minds that women are more emotionally intelligent than men, I just cannot understand why, with all our maturity and understanding of ourselves, we cannot get it together, put our feet down and just refuse to get manipulated by silly men queuing at our vaginal doors with “I love you”, “you make me whole”, “I miss you”. I mean, its repulsive and upsetting how men can lie to such extents just to get THERE. No actually, what is worse is that we fall for it.

Now I’m not saying that all men are liars (I lie, they all are), I just feel that we need to start implementing an attitude of seeing is believing because ultimately, we all know that if a man wants to do something, he will do it. If a guy hasn’t called you, he doesn’t want to. If he hasn’t asked you for your numbers; he doesn’t want them.  Giiiiirl, if you’ve been dating for 2 years now and he is not mentioning anything about how great he would be as your husband, you have a problem.

Anyway, I was still on the topic about how I just realised that I no longer have time to waste. I’m at the point where even if you’re trying say hello, your tone better reveal your intentions quickly. I don’t have time to faff around or play pretend. I’m a woman of substance. I have places to go and goals to fulfill. I know this. You see this (that’s why you’re trying to start something), so there is no arrogance in stating facts. Now with this said, am I not devaluing myself by allowing you to derail me or waste my time with directionless hellos?

My period of solitude is beginning to reveal many things about me… some things so wonderful like knowing that there are so many sexy spinsters and I could add to that list. But I feel the most important realizations are always about the flaws in my character. I feel this is the best decision any woman can make after a break up, if they had decided to start dating in the first place. It puts so many things into perspective. I remember a friend of mine telling me two years ago that I needed to take a break from the dating scene and I was like “giiiiiiiirl…..no. Lonely is not a cute look.”

Before now I had never been single for longer than 3 months. And this is since… never mind. I was so terrified of being alone, I didn’t know what my favourite colour was, how I felt on a specific day, what my goals were- just mine alone, that did not involve a man or children. I did not realise know how much time and energy I was wasting…. I no longer knew how it felt to eat a big fat piece of cake and not feel bad about it…. I no longer knew how it felt to have a crush, I still feel awkward for liking certain photos on Instagram because my mind has been sooooo conditioned to think or feel for someone else but myself. Let me tell you… being alone, really isn’t all that bad. I mean, you now have time to dig up all those people you placed second (not by choice) in your life in order to make your relationship flourish, you learn what makes you bitchy and why. You get to deal with ancient bottled up emotions… You get time to focus on your goals. You can allow your phone’s battery to die and not face hell on earth when you finally get time to charge it. You find the time to MEDITATE!!!!!! You learn how to accept compliments. SELF LOVE!!! You give yourself the opportunity to develop new skills and hobbies. You can be completely selfish. You gain a new perspective on life, love, marriage and dating. You figure out why your past relationships never worked and how you were at fault. You give yourself the opportunity to love something because you genuinely have an interest in it…. the list is endless. Seriously.

Out of all the months I have been single, I will be honest and say I have felt lonely. I think what I miss the most is feeling needed by someone, so when this feeling pops up I just fake an illness and my mom comes to the rescue! hahahahahaha seriously. Then I feel better and thank the heavens for allowing me to see the blessings of this period; because deep down I know that I’m being conditioned for greatness and it’s a journey that needs to be taken independently with no distractions.

And oh, HI, I’m Tshego and I’m here to help women become tough, ambitious and empowered.

Article by Tshego Makoe  Follow her amazing blog at www.loveselfbeautiful.com

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