“If you’re in a relationship and all you do is cry every day, you’ll need to stop and ask yourself, ‘Am I dating a human or an onion” – Unknown
I am not sure who came up with this quote but I found it hilarious the first time I read it, well not anymore. I knew that a lot of women put up with a lot crap that men put them through, but after the conversation I recently had with my friend, I got exasperated, infuriated and all sorts of emotions you can think of.
She got into a relationship with a guy she knew had a girlfriend, unfortunately she agreed to an arrangement that when the girlfriend is around she must know her place (give the guy some space to be with the main chick). That didn’t bother her much because the girlfriend was never around anyways, so technically she was the majority shareholder and the girlfriend was obviously the minority shareholder, and besides that Luther Vandross says “Love the one you are with”.
When she lost her job she was forced to move in with this guy, which lead her to cooking, cleaning having sex with him and doing all the domestic chores done by housewives. A couple of months later he reminded her of the arrangement they spoke about when the relationship initiated (giving him space when the main chick is around). You can imagine she stays with this guy, so every time the main chick comes over she must pack everything and he would drop her off somewhere. This became a norm, every weekend he would ask for some space, but this time for every girl he wanted to bang! He would tell her in the middle of the night, “tomorrow midday I will need the flat to myself, where must I drop you off” Did I mention that she cleans all the weird stuff on the sheets when she comes back, YOH! I know!
When the conversation started I was mad at how the guy was ill-treating her, but as she went on and on about how she always cries, the anger shifted to her. Right there I told her to stop crying. Mind you she finished my Vodka and she was about to finish a box of tissues I just bought. The first question I asked was why did she stay months and months putting up with all of this crap, and guess what her answer was “I love him and he Loves me”, I love him and he Loves me ? Are you kidding me? Really? Look here if this is how love is supposed to be then I don’t want it, in fact I’d rather be alone, single and happy like I am now.
Sometimes, things are better left as mere memories. You can try to change things back to how they were or try to recreate things to be the way you want them, but you’ll never be truly happy. This guy doesn’t have any respect for her let alone love her.
I remember when I read the “A Dedication to All Women Who Know Their Worth” article, I thought of all the requirements I have and that I will not be able to sacrifice these, simply because I know my Worth. I know that I will be able to pick up when anyone abuse me emotionally, because I don’t let things go just like that.
Again the question is raised, why do women put up with being abused? Do you know that not only will an abusive relationship make your life miserable but it will also damage your self-confidence? I don’t have any advice for people who suffer from emotional/physical abuse except leaving the relationship.
Seriously if a relationship makes you feel bad, down and worthless, not only is it unhealthy, it is also a fast method for destroying what’s left of your self-confidence. Please stop allowing yourself to feel trapped and used by being treated far less than you deserve. My friend wants her story heard, she wants any other woman out there going through the same abuse to love and respect herself enough and walk away.
So I know a similar yet not so similar person and she was actually in a relationship with the guy no side chick or anything. And they unofficially moved in together and it was great at first because he took care of things. But after sometime it became bad, arguments and unhappiness but they stayed together? After a number of discussions I discovered something about my dear friend. She didn’t really love this guy what was happening was that she had gotten lazy and too used to being taken care of that she would put up with all that shit. Sometimes its plain laziness and because we are much smarter than we realize, our minds constantly ask us why we do this to ourselves and we say ‘love’ so we can have an excuse but it’s not. Maybe your friend loved the companionship or the paid bills or the not-having-to-get-an-apartment situation that she didn’t want t cut ties with this disaster. Or perhaps she wanted to be in love.
I think the most important thing is to be honest with ourselves and possibly with our friends. I know that friends tend to avoid the honest friend because they want the easy way out of being told there there and given tissues but maybe what everyone needs is that friend that will say oh girl I’m sorry, here is vodka now stand up and pack your bags and get a job and live in a cheap possibly ugly place but its yours.
🙂 True….women independency is very important, and I am not talking only financially , but emotional dependency also…people always find it so difficult to let go because they want to keep up the standard of living although they didn’t even work hard for it….and these are the people that lack ambition and have little sense of purpose for their lives..
Did she leave, after the conversation ?
Hy king, just checked with the young lady who wrote the article and to confirm yes she she eventually decided to leave 🙂