“My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.”― Warsan Shire

So, I have been thinking a lot lately, about how we women seem to take longer than men when it came to reaching our goals or success. And I have a couple of reasons but the one that I feel, is hardly discussed, is the fact that we waste time going after relationships in our twenties, we give too much of ourselves to men!  What I mean is, we focus too much on relationships, too much about bae! “Getting Bae”, “being with bae” “being sexy for bae” “telling our friends about bae” “being relationship goals” we hardly focus on ourselves and our aspirations. Which is why we find so many men surpassing us, in careers and earning way more than us, we need to learn to shift our energies. In our twenties, we are so caught up with relationships, trying to analyse it and like in a bad chick flick, still read the signs wrong. It’s like we have been told to leave everything and focus on snaring a man!

Our twenties are actually horrible and laughable, when I think about it now, with foresight. I had a friend cry for months one time after getting dumped, boy where we done! To the point that, one of my friends snapped and said “We are drinking right now and we are too tired to deal with that kinda drama!” The worst was, the guy called and asked why was my friend embarrassing herself crying for so long?! Isho…Anyway, what I want to put across is, guys are not as mean as we think at that age…they just have their energies on the ‘right’ things, making a name for themselves, acquiring the skills that would enable them to be at the top of their game and getting their finances right, in order to enable them to become blessers! And therein lies our problems, when the guy is focused on bettering himself and we are also focused on bettering him, and when he is better and things don’t work out, we become bitter! “Like I made you or I gave you the best of me” *yada yada-Yawn* that’s when all the bullshit of tyre stabbing! Clothes destroying and 100 missed calls happen! All that psycho stuff! See, you are not lying, you were there for him and gave him all of you but it was just because you wanted to! Because you misdirected your energies, wouldn’t the story be better if you had focused on yourself? You could be your own blesser! And take yourself to Dubai!

We claim, he led me on and didn’t tell me, from my experience *based on friends calling crying and my own crazy twenties! Child we can write a book on that* guys normally say! We just don’t listen! We hear what we want to hear and ask our friends, who are in the same predicament and don’t know any better! A guy will tell you he needs space but we will still call our friends and ask what he meant? Dude, one of my friends found a guy she was ‘dating’ *I am saying dating very, very loosely here!* in bed with another girl (cuddling or chilling or whatever was going on) and they all still stayed the weekend, and apparently dude was in bed with both at one time and they were  both asking what’s going on? Ooh! And she still said, the guy was sweet and loved her! *shoot me now tuu!* for the record this guy was a friend of mine too and I knew he didn’t love her and I said as much, in front of him and with him not there and she still didn’t listen! So, the guy was sweet and loved her but the other girl was to be vilified! Crazy ek se!I guess this is one of those things that you need to go through, in order to learn from but do you know how I find conversations with my little cousins regarding relationships annoying? Isho! I can’t, it’s like listening to me and my friends in our twenties all over again! We were so lost and so idiotic! And the thing is, they rant but don’t really want the advice you give?! *aargh! Like why even bother!* and it’s so hard, it’s like watching a movie and seeing the bad ending and being powerless to do anything! This societal pressure we put on ourselves to be in a ‘perfect’ relationship at a certain age is just silly! *there is nothing such as a perfect relationship!* Best case scenario, you walk out with a lot of baggage that’s gonna need a lot of wine to get through and worst case scenario, you are left with a child that needs you to get over your issues with daddy in order to be civil and put them first. So, you spent your twenties like you are in some chick flick movie, not knowing yourself and not pushing yourself to be the best you and you are now going to be raising someone!

Article By Nthabiseng Lucia Tselapedi (Blog: Theprofessionalyeahright)

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