“I am an invisible man…I am a man of substance, of flesh and bone, fiber and liquids—and I might even be said to possess a mind. I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me.” -Ralph Ellison

So, my friend and I were discussing beauty….having those random conversations about eyes of the beholder and stuff! Told her I remember an incident in my teens, where I was in a taxi with some school friends, it was three of us or four *my memory is a bit fuzzy!* Anyway, my other friend and I got off the taxi and left the others, the following day at school she came and said “those guys in the taxi when ya’ll got out went –Damn those girls are ugly” Two things here, she was shady as hell, coz why the need to share the information and secondly, we never even noticed the guys ourselves, leading to, we didn’t find them appealing at all *clearly!*  and they didn’t matter but it clearly mattered to our “friend”.Back to the discussion we were having, it was about ratings *beauty rating systems, catch up will ya!* how no one ever rates themselves as ugly but we are quick to see it in others *mmmh!* According to a report by Nicholas Epley and Erin Whitchurch (2008) “people tend to evaluate their own traits and abilities more favourably than is objectively warranted”. So, their research went something like this, they took pictures of people in the study *research participants* and, using a computerized procedure, produced more attractive and less attractive versions of those pictures. Participants were then told that they would be presented with a series of images including their original picture and images modified from that picture. They were then asked to identify the unmodified picture. They tended to select an attractively enhanced one. So, yes you might not be as pretty as you think! *tough!* or is it?See the older I get, the fully I understand the whole concept, behind, eyes of the beholder. Because truthfully speaking, beauty is subjective and unfortunately for most black people *Yes! Knowing me by now, you should know I would take it there* we have been socialised to accept the European standards of beauty “the English nose- long thin types, the big boobs, the blonde hair, being petite, fairness etc.” and to reject the African ones “The flat big noses, the big bums, the dark skin *before you argue about the mainstream acceptance of the booty! Remember Sara Baartman was a circus attraction? And this is a fad for white people, we are born with them*Even our magazines in Africa, are constantly showing the European idea of beauty, open Cosmo or Elle or Marie Claire and tell me how many of those images are African inspired? I read all those magazines my entire teen years and I actually can’t stomach them now, I refuse to continue subjecting myself and my daughter to images that do not resonate with us and have never done! *Shit! I’m getting woke everyday my nigga!* This has led to so many issues amongst the black community, skin bleaching, team yellow bone and eating disorders, self-hate and all, Bryant (2013) wrote “Black women are particularly vulnerable to the effects of European standards of beauty, because these standards emphasize skin colours and hair types that exclude many black women, especially those of darker skin”. These magazines are continuing the socialization of “You are only pretty when lighter and fall within the white ideals” *U know what? To hell with that!* also can they just chill on the extreme sex appeal, and photo shopping phoniness widespread in media and normalized as our cultural ideals.

So, if we are being fed this idealized beauty that is not us, how do we begin to start judging beauty fairly based on our own images? remember your brain is taught to only recognize white beauty standards, “Viola Davis is not as pretty as Beyonce” “Yeah! Lupita Nyongo is pretty but not prettier than Halle Berry” by the way I love both Beyonce and Halle……but I am just showing you the beauty ideals we are being fed and how we’ve been socialised! A while back my daughter had these white friends, so, she told me that “you know Nthabi, they’re really cool, they like the same things I like and they find the people I find attractive, attractive” so as she’s talking, I realise, all the people that they were picking, as beautiful, where black light skinned and she is light skinned too, so, I ask, why is everyone they find pretty closer to their shade? She goes “that’s not true!” so, I ask how many of the people they found pretty where dark skinned? Anyway, I told her be conscious of that, if all they’re choosing is lighter skin, it means they don’t find beauty in black, they find beauty in what they recognize! So, is their beauty judgement real? Is my daughter’s beauty ideals real? Or is it what she has been socialised to recognize as beautiful? Are my beauty judgments real? Are your beauty ideals real? Seems like we might be winning the battle but losing the war!

Since beauty is broad and shouldn’t be dictated by anyone, how do we get to judging it? And for me, the judging is not entirely the issue, the issue is when we are forced someone’s opinion of beauty as a fact! *eyes of the beholder, remember?* and okay, if we are going to have a standardised beauty ideal, which one resonates with us? And what’s with uniformity? Reality is, we can’t see beauty in the same things, the day we do, is the day we ignore the diversity around us!

Article By Nthabiseng Lucia Tselapedi