It is a species unlike any other, a breed in its own league, one that; even though may boost of being modern, has not really evolved from the core fundamentals that link it to its forefathers. I’m guessing from my opening line and the term “special” in the title, you have begun to notice how not so endearing this discussion is going to be, don’t worry fellas, I won’t ruffle you up too much.
African men are as difficult to understand as the generationally rumoured (and yet to be proven) widespread group called “women”. The thing with our African men is that, if you want to try to understand them, going through Cosmopolitan Magazines and gathering as much horoscopes as possible is not going to help, because those people do not know what this species is about as well! Heck, I know that Steve Harvey does not have the answers either.
Before this sounds like another one of those “feminist goes after men’s heads” article, let me try to prove my point, then you can think whatever you want to think. I’m an African woman who has been around a lot of “evolved” African men. I say “evolved”, because what they prance around in as being modern is actually pretence, faking the look of the Westernized version of the modern man, but this is not a case of “fake it ‘till you make it”. There is a conflict of interest, because unlike the Western man, he has cultural obligations to observe, many of which aren’t physically demanding, but are rather embedded in his psyche, a mental directive passed down from generations of African men. Most of these mental guides go against the modern man approach, and it is because of that, that the pretence starts, and the conflict of interest grows.
For example, the African man has always been a fighter, a warrior, some sort of provider of protection, due to the history of our people. Instinctively, he finds it necessary to protect whoever is around him, so when these headstrong men meet the modern woman, who is capable of getting herself out of trouble, they begin to feel intimidated. I promise you, a guy reading the statement above just gave me a sigh and probably rolled their eyes, modern men right? Then went on to convince themselves that self-secure women, financially; emotionally; spiritually and culturally are sexy, thinking as though I was referring to some Blond girl having a Blond girl moment, but I’m talking about any other average woman, who isn’t going through conflicts of interest within herself, and is content with what she can give and what she wants to receive.
Along with being warriors, the best in the world actually (there’s a compliment), they are master chasers, keyword: persistence. Courtship with an African man is exhilarating (another compliment). I was reading an autobiography early during this year called ‘The Heart Of A Woman’ by the late, great Dr Maya Angelou, and in it, there was apart where she spoke of how she met her African husband during the ‘60s. He introduced himself as Vusumzi Make, a PAC representative from South Africa, at that time. When they’d initially met, Maya was already engaged, this didn’t stop Vusumzi from pursuing her. In one of their conversations, Make said to Maya: “When you see your bloody fiancé, tell him that I’m after you and that with me every day is Saturday night and I’m black and I’m dangerous” This is no mafia talk, just a display of persistence, needless to say she married him and they moved to Egypt in the months that followed. The modern man on the other hand, is told that showing obvious persistence is too “thirsty” in today’s lingo, calling it a desperate move, so the guy is cautioned to give as little away as possible during the chase, patting to sleep the apex predator within. How has it been working out fellas?
But, the one thing I respect the most about the African man is that he is a builder, a mighty one at that, because as far and obvious as it is, this entire world was built on their backs and through their powerful hands. They have crafted monuments that have stood the test of time, built legacies, from fear being replaced by boldness, and have made decisions that sacrifice their lives for the sake of those they love enough to protect with their bodies. The sad thing is that, the young African men growing up in these times, have no immediate access and understanding of the African dynasty, the power of African kingdoms of old, and because of that, they have stopped building, and all they do is either complain, or pick a comfortable corner to congregate with their fellow men and wallow over their misfortune, throwing endless pity parties, and continuing on referring to themselves as “disadvantaged”
While on the outside looking in, I can see how the distorted notion of being a man has been passed down from our previously oppressed forefathers, who were forced into abandoning their ways of thinking and acting for those of their white oppressors. For the longest time, they have looked to them for lessons on manhood, from how to dress, talk, react and embrace. They have shunned how interestingly dangerous they are, powerful and not forceful, because force is only injected by cowards, something far removed from the revered African warrior. I believe that the moment African men stop indirectly apologizing for being “African” by ignoring their roots, through the reconciliation of their heritage and sense of self, that they can truly evolve, showing more signs of a proud African man, than not.
Article By Moshibudi Thatego Madia
