Article By Brigette Mashile
As if being female on this earth is not a hard enough challenge, women actually have pressures that they themselves create. Best of all they have someone to blame for each, which of course allows them to exclude themselves from the responsibility of actually explaining why they have such a clause on their lives. Most of the time they blame culture, religion and their husbands. I have met so many women who say to me they cannot wear short skirts at their in-laws’ homes because it is not allowed. I always ask why? Then they always think I’m challenging the rule. Whereas all I’m saying is ‘why do you follow the rule’? I mean how many rules are there that we break every day? I have no issues with those that stick to the rules and follow them to the T, I have issues with those that follow them because they believe they have to, but have no clue why they have to. People that follow a crowd silently scare me. I mean not once do you ever want to say why or what if I did this another way? Yes I know this is because I’m that person with the ‘why’ on everything. I believe it’s one of the freedoms I’ve been granted in 2016; young black and loud. Today many actually want to know what the young black female thinks; probably the first time in like forever!
My favorite example with this subject is all the things we do that aren’t requested by anyone. Let’s keep it close and personal. Let’s discuss what most of us do when we find a new man. Automatically you think you need to cook for him, clean for him, clean after him, etc. Because your mom did it? Because your mom taught you such? Because society says a good woman does that? Or because you want to? Then of course the man is just himself unapologetically. He doesn’t do anything he wouldn’t do normally. Then he cheats; leaves and you say ‘after all I did for you’. But wait, who asked you to do them? You were being kind? Well thank you.
I went through such a stage in my life. Devoted and invested so much of what my mother gifted me with, and still the relationship ended. I was totally sure it would work. Forgetting my mother did them for her husband, not boyfriend. Now I’m not saying don’t do them for your boyfriend, I’m just saying she was dealing with a different relationship to mine, in a different time to mine. I did it too at my first job. That first year I became the go to person. The one who will stay a bit late; who stands up first to do any work needing to be done. Yes it benefited me career wise; but I didn’t have to do it. But I believed I had to; and that people would reciprocate (side eye right here…).
Today I’m the total opposite to all that. Unapologetically so. No I haven’t become immoral; or rebellious. I am simply letting life lead me. The day I discovered that the man I’m in a relationship with doesn’t need me to cook ‘Sunday kos’ every Sunday was absolutely shocking. I was offended. I was hurt. I was asking is my food bad? I was wondering where did he eat? Like who is feeding him? Because in my mind I’m meant to ensure when he walks in there’s food on the table, always. Guess what. He only eats when he’s hungry. Which I have learnt now is twice in a day. This goes for cleaning the house as well. He really couldn’t be bothered when or if I clean. But I came in with that skill mastered to the T as well; and delivered on a task not necessary.
Maybe you say its culture. Maybe you say its religion. Maybe mama taught you. I think I will stick with asking myself if this works for me, and if I can be consistent at it. Best of all what is my opinion on it. I have a feeling the young black woman is living in an era that is changing; and some culture, religion and mommy teachings are getting challenged. It is time to write your own story!
Article By Brigette Mashile
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