“Misery won’t touch you gentle. It always leaves its thumbprints on you; sometimes it leaves them for others to see, sometimes for nobody but you to know of.” -Edwidge Danticat
So, a friend of mine and I, were discussing her break up, she had been seriously in love with the guy but things didn’t work. Long story short, he cheated and she found out *only mentioning this for context, not the aim of the article* anyway, after that she described going into some sort of period of “mourning” and like any loss, it went into the regular stages of grief. You know, stages like: the desperation for answers, the why period *as I like to call it*? Why did this sucker do this to me? *Bastard!*, and we all know the Anger period right? That period maan, where you wish death upon him! Wish a disease upon him! Wish him all sorts of evil voodoo shit! Right? We know these stages well, as they have been long documented but do we understand the Hoe period?
Yep, there is a stage called the “Hoe period” This stage is a painful period I might add although it might look like fun and ‘no fucks given’ kinda period, its shit! I was describing it to my friend as a form of cutting, coz you are self-harming! It’s because you have so much pain bottled up and the only way to let it out, is via “Hoe is life” *come on now, don’t laugh or think I’m trying to excuse hoe-ism* Do I really need to describe this period? Okay, this is a period where you sleep with countless guys, getting what you can outta them, be it fun, cash, warmth, compliments etc. anything to make you feel again! Anything to make you remember your worth! Anything to prove you are desirable! And the best part? You feel or think you are in charge. I mean you have just been hurt right and so you are not invested, “your feelings are not involved” akere? *rolls eyes* and again, there goes the merry-go-round: Hurt people hurt people!
Anyway, back to why I say it’s self-harm, I feel you are doing stuff based on your hurt, to try and get over someone and thus it makes it a powerless phase really! There is no empowerment in this phase at all! Yeah, yeah there is semblance of it but it doesn’t exist! It’s not to be found! How come we hardly go through it when in a good space? Like if you are happy with thyself, where is the hoe phase? Real empowerment is not doing something out of anger or numbness! However though, with all the above said, is it not an important phase too? Is it not necessary? I don’t have the answers guys….I am also just trying to analyse and understand us women better! Understand pain and the mechanisms that go with it, for this is a phase stemming from pain! Although society wants to laugh and act the fool about it! A person is dying here! *figuratively and sometimes literally yo!*
Nna I feel for my sisters and myself, again, we are getting controlled! Yeah, yeah, as said I know people will say free will and choice Yada! Yada! But reality is, we all know when you are clouded, there is always lapses in judgement! So, please let’s not play that game! Shit happens in life and it happens to good people! All I’m trying to say is, let’s stop hurting ourselves to get back at a man! *any man that hurt you! Whether your ex or your absent/cold/ emotionally unavailable father* coz reality is no matter how many men you screw, you still gotta carry the scars and deal with your issues! We need to learn true empowerment!
Hoe ain’t life! Its bullshit!
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