By: Latoya Sibanyoni
It has been five years since I was raped,or should I refer to it in legislative neutral terms “sexually assaulted’.I do not want to lie and say it feels just like yesterday I found myself fearing for my life and sleeping under my bunk bed instead of on top of the bed.It made no sense but at that moment fear made me believe that a steel frame would protect me.This incident gave meaning to the saying {crying my heart out} because I sure did.
I never understood why I referred to myself as a survivor from the onset,bruised and broken as I was I still had the energy to resist been called a victim.The word just creeps me out,its humiliating,it defies what I stand for,it gives more power to the perpetrator,it accepts rape culture.Its a social term that existed long before I was born and some how has become common use in everyday language.I have always felt that the term “rape victim” made it okay for sexual violence to occur,it’s just another way of saying that there is a target group for this behaviour just as much as there is a target market for most businesses.Its a nicely formulated way of saying let rape occur,we have terms for people who experience it so its okay…
But that’s just my opnion .There is still a lot to learn because at some point in my life as much as I was taught about rape at school and the were pamphlets going around trying to raise awareness a part of me believed that if it did not happen while I was young it could never happen to me as an adult.Sadly enough it did,and in the very vulnearable situation I was in the systems that were put in place to protect me failed,the people meant to protect me started pointing fingers (I can never understand how I dress,who I chose to surrond myself with,How clear was my NO! would ever be reason to justify rape) but that’s their problem not mine.
Five years down the line I still dress how I want to,I still go out at night beacuse I am no different ,yes I might have been raped but that does not make me less of a person and the decisions I made that night did not cause my rape,his decisions did.He chose to beat me up,he chose to force himself on me,he chose to give in to his evil plan,he chose to humiliate me,he chose to take away my innocence,HIM and not me so why should I walk around with a label,why should I carry a badge he manufactured,there would be no rape victim if there was no rape in the first place so why should we go around barring the brunt of someone else’s evil.
At some point in my life I was deeply hurt that someone would be that vile,that someone chose to destroy my life just for their five minutues of pleasure,that someone chose to humilaite me.Here’s answers to two questions that shaped my journey to survival :
Have I been raped in my life ? Yes
Am I a rape victim? No
I never expect anyone to understand why I refer to myself as a survivor,because you would have to feel it and for you to feel it you would have to experience rape but I much rather prefer that incident to end with me.I forgave my perpetrator,I forgave myself,I forgave the people who shifted the blame on me,I forgave the system.No hard feelings.In a world that now has guides on how to prevent rape,I choose to believe I did nothing wrong.I did exactly what I was suppose to be doing on that day I lived but most importantly I survived.Its just a matter of his evil ways crossed my path.I lost a lot because of one incident but its nothing compared to what I have gained.I am exactly where I need to be in life and I am exactly what I say I am AM A SURVIVOR.
By: Latoya Sibanyoni
Law Grad.Eager to learn,eager to teach.
