By Pamela Kunene
Steve Jobs’ quote “sometimes life will hit you with a brick, don’t lose faith” always caught my attention and I always thought I knew what he was talking about until I found myself in a position where I was forced to understand what the pain of losing someone very close to me meant. I was faced with the reality of loss, and each and every single day became a reminder that I will never see her again. My heart is still broken, wide open, shattered and sore, though people say it gets better with time, for me each and every single day becomes a reality that I will never see mom again. I was filled with grief, and this was just one of those unpleasant situations I’ve ever been faced with in the history of my young life. In the mist of it all, I had to make a choice to both accept this part of my life as inevitable and adjust myself to it, or ruin my life with rebellion and maybe end up with a nervous breakdown. So I decided to get myself mentally stable, took everything one day at a time and used these 5 recipes of overcoming adversity to help me go through and get through the pain and eventually grow from it.
Allow yourself to go through the pain
It is very important to go through the pain, there is a need to deal with the hurt, the void and the crack the loss left you with. Don’t suppress the pain with the intention of getting rid of it; the more you postpone or suppress it the more it gets bigger and bigger and by the time you think you have dealt with it, one day it will detonate and the experience will be unbearable, as if life just came crashing down on you. Some people deal with pain by using turning to external substances like alcohol, drugs and many others, but those distractions are temporary and they will divert you from going through the healing process that is why it is imperative to go through it. Pain is like walking through a dark tunnel, as soon as you go through it there is light on the other side…
Do not dwell on the pain forever
Life is a nasty place and it will beat you to your knees consistently if you let it. You have control over your emotions, don’t let your emotions control you. Always remember that pain is temporary, don’t make it your dwelling place. Remember what I said about accepting the inevitable and adjusting to the change, or ruin life with rebellion and maybe end up with a nervous breakdown. Always keep in mind that at the end of the tunnel is light, and at the end of pain is peace of mind, and after sorrow there is joy…
You can’t pour out from an empty cup
I remember a week after mom’s passing, my cousin said to me “Pam make sure that you take care of yourself”. But I was worried about everyone, my siblings, my dad, my mom’s family, except for one person, ME. I was so worried about everyone and everything that I forgot to worry about myself. And I almost had a nervous breakdown. But after I chose not to make pain my dwelling place, I realized the importance of taking care of myself. There is no way that you can give something that you don’t have. So you need to fill yourself up. Your cup of love, care, and joy must overflow before you can pour out to the rest of the world…
Life is not always black and white
So my cousin and I drove to Jeffery’s bay for lunch, and as we were driving back, she was so happy to see flowers in almost every tree we passed including a tree that I had driven past for almost 8 months but I never noticed the beautiful orange and yellow flowers from that tree. What this taught me is that there is always something to be grateful for in life, it could be you are reading this article or that you will recommend it for someone, or that you are still alive or that you had something to eat today, or that you saw a beautiful flower today. So life is not that bad, just look on the side there is always other colors, other than black and white.
Your life has a purpose
Is it said that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are something new to this world. I believe that after going through pain, your life changes completely, and you need to figure out what strength you will draw from the experience. Make use of it, something great must come out from the experience. I always say to people “You will never meet anything close to a Pamela”, because it doesn’t exist. Remember that you being something new in this world, means that there will never be anybody like you. So live your life with purpose, I don’t think you came into this world to just live and die, you have greatness in you, a purpose!!
You might find that only one of the recipes works for you. What I noticed is that as soon as I started using these, I began to see life differently. I hope and believe this will help you go through your challenges or your loved ones even.
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