BY Mzomuhle Msomi
So over the weekend I am chilling with the gents. We are in our mid 20s to 30s(Damn we’re old now) discussing women. Essentially talking about the next girl, past girl and current girl. Just idiotic stuff. Then it hits me. WE ARE SO SCREWED. We are a generation of men who can’t court women and women who can’t be courted. To quote William Shakespeare “Kunyiwa Macala”.

Phela back in the day bekushelwa. Strong. Just before the digital age.

I remember that for you to see a girl you had to commit to courting. Step one you’d approach her i.e umungena 9 9 not this social media friend and follow nonsense. Mjita ngena enganeni. For you to do this required you to be a charmer not a fuckboy but be good with words. If she rejected you and shut you down Amagrootman used to say “Ukuhlulile” or “Ulimi lakho linokwekwe”. You see the first skill had to be your ability to attract her attention and holding a good conversation to keep her interested. Rejection was a reality and you had to take it on the chin like a champ but you had to remain resolute and committed.

These are the days of telephones papa, before young people started having your 3310s and 1100s, so when you’re macking, at best the one thing she would give you is a Telephone number or she had none and she would tell you where she lives. If she gave you her telephone number 90% of the time the phone would be answered by the parents so you had to learn to fake a girl’s voice just in case the parents picked up or go to the pay phone and ask a lady to call her on your behalf just in case the parents picked up. If her dad picks you’d have to be there in your most feminine voice saying “Sawubona Babu Dlamini, bengisacela uThandeka”. If you failed to convince him he would tell you to take a hike and you’d need find other tactics to reach the future mother of you kids. Come weekend you’re there next to the bushes hoping she steps outside so you can wave or “umqwebe”.

Suitors often hid near a bush called “Ubhici”. A gent would stand next to that plant playing with the its little stones from the leaves and doodling words on the ground. Whilst there all reality is telling you “This girl is the one”. As you’re strategically positioned to see and meet her, deep down you’re hoping the girl you’re in pursuit of has a little brother who you would call and bribe with a sweet so that he can go tell his older sister that you’re outside. The relationship with the little brother was key. All the pretty girls were highly monitored and the only time you saw her outside was when she was hanging laundry or going to the tuck-shop, so it was essential to secure a strategic partner in the household. If she goes to the tuck-shop you had to move quick and get to her to articulate your love request before some chancer ran into her and messed up your plans. If you want her and she stays caged in the house, chances are the neighbours are also waiting to pounce so you had to be quick and nimble so as to ensure your scouting for the day isn’t ruined.  Before all that, you’re rotting under the sun for hours in hopes that her parents will send her to the shop or to the neighbours. You had to be persistent and committed.

Nowadays they call that creepy and desperate cause social media has made people accustomed to easy access, many options and quick and easy things. If you’re in pursuit of a girl you had to give it time and patience back then. You had to win her over, nowadays you drop a few dms here and there, whatsapp texts and a few messages to a couple of people and see who picks up the bait and take it from there.  I am not saying send dudes on wild goose chases where one is holding down the friend zone for months on end just so feel courted, that’s Satanism.

This past and my current situation makes me wonder, “Can one court? Is it social acceptable nowadays? If I have a son in the future, what would be my relationship advice to him?”

Think about it, we’ve been in relationships, but have you ever won someone over? Or be won over? Or was a situation of we like each other so “Azishe”. Courting was a journey of discovering someone, manje its getting laid, being cool and convenient. Kutough!!!

The relationship landscape is different nowadays. I mean at any given point there are many dudes in your girls DMs and Whatsapp. Promising her the world and telling her things like she’s beautiful and they like her hair. Things you’re not telling her cause you’re in other girls DMs in search of “Someone better”. It’s like relationships are bus stops. Just chilling there until someone you think is better comes along. The more connected we become the further apart we grow.

What will the foundation of our relationships be? Commitment? Persistant? Deep understanding? I doubt. We are blown honestly.

“Kunyiwa Macala” William Shakespeare

Article By Mzomuhle Msomi

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