“In a place that will never understand you are amazing, in a place that will put fire to you then say you are callous, they will burn you then say you are reckless, some mothers won’t tell you because they think it is feminine and they want you to prepare for a battlefield your whole life but I tell you, you are beautiful, you are grand, you are too permanent to be unloved”. – ‘For Black Boys’ by Leija Farrob in arty
By Nthabiseng Lucia Tselapedi
My seven-year-old son was in a “racial fight” * as they put it* at school, I have been mulling over the events ever since, I blamed myself, my daughter *she’s the one who’s been telling him these things and in turn I have been the one telling her these things* and truthfully speaking I had no idea how to address it with him.
See, he apparently mentioned to one of the kids at his after-care/ school that “Brown people are better” out of nowhere, just nje, letting him know! and this other kid retaliated, said “no, white people are better” and proceeded to throw sand on my son’s face, well obviously, he didn’t take that laying down! But this article is not about the physicality of the fight or the fight. It’s about the real issue of installing pride in our kids and teaching self-love without encroaching on other people’s self-love.
Anyway, as I was standing there with the after-care caretaker and she was telling me what happened, I found no words to say, ME, who is constantly yapping! Had nothing to say, I was speechless, if you have read my writings, you will know where I stand with issues such as these. I am pushing for my child(ren) to be secure in himself, love himself and prideful in his skin and culture! We live in a world that is constantly telling him because of his skin tone, he is below! He is not good enough! Not smart enough! He is not good looking and not worthy of life! Well, I will never let him believe such! EVER! But I also don’t want him getting in unnecessary fights! I also don’t want him filled with hate and anger at such a young age!
How did we get here? Let me just say, representation matters everywhere! I never truly cared about it in movies before because I am an adult and watch whatever I want and can decipher between real and fake, especially within the superhero franchise. But I am seeing it now, through the eyes of my seven-year-old, he is obsessed with batman and he ‘indulges’ other superheroes, I have told him they’re not real, just made up characters and all but he is still in love! So, I guess it should be no surprise when he said to his sister he wants to be white, because white people can be superheroes and that white people are better! But it was!
Anyway, that’s when the sister did the affirmation thing and told him “don’t want that, as brown people are better and you are better” *proud of my daughter for handling this one when I was not there! * apparently, his lil face lit up with incredulous disbelief and such joy and he has carried it with him since!
So, who am I, to go and tell my son otherwise? I told him his skin was sun-kissed! Melanin filled and damn right he was better! But because he is, doesn’t mean others aren’t! Told him fighting was never a good idea! Promised him to take him to black panther when it opens! Showed him the black panther previews! Will be telling him about real life superheroes soon! The Mandela’s, Steve Biko’s, Oliver Tambo’s, Muhammad Ali’s and tell him they were still human with flaws but they did the best they could! Black boy! You are beautiful!
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