Written and Narrated By Koketso Dzumba
17th September 2008, a fad I could pinch a mere away. Like most my mornings it was sooth. Woke up attained to a flirty dream and indeed the rays that stole sight on my curtains were a crush. The scent of roasted coffee blossomed from mommies hymn whilst my little sidle sister sweet snored like usual. Daddy often played snooze – but that morning awkwardly his voice was void. Wondering where he was, I braved away from the sheets only to find mommy alone in the kitchen.
Me: “morning mom, where’s dad”?
I asked with a tinted voice!
Mom: “your dad had to rush to the store”.
She answered with a rusted voice and somehow I could feel her puzzled sighs. Felt like giving her a pat on the back though her paleness was unapproachable. I got ready for school and even when I lauded goodbye she was in her own world.
Walking towards the train station I somehow felt the sound of my pulse. The often busy streets seemed to succumb to emptiness. Lost in the perception of strange – just before I could reach the station I saw a huge damp of ash steadily panting the sky. Caught by the moment I reached the station only to find a handful of firefighters, forensics and policeman. They barricaded the premises and only authorities were granted access. From a small crowd I could see the dead bodies close to ash lying tasteless on the ground. There gore was humid with silence and before I could puke the sight I decided to walk back home. Slow in steps my conscious was driven by curiosity. Whilst kicking the air my presence was suddenly put to halt by a deranged group of axe wielding men.
“Kleinkie wat is jou naam. Wat is jou naam”?
They all babbled at the same time.
Me: “my naam is john”!
I answered with a lost face since the people who were asking me happened to be black and I was black.
“Gaan huis toe”!
They commanded me whilst they ran towards another passerby. I could smell the presence of my faeces knocking on my rear. Slippery in thought I shivered to the point that my toes turned cold. I ran from block to block as their voices replayed in my thoughts. Finally, I reached home and as I was to paint my ordeal to mommy, I sadly found her floating in her own tears.
Me:” mommy what’s wrong”?
Mom: “your dad”!
That’s all her broken voice could gasp. Just a mere before I could ask what she meant my visage was lured to the TV she happened to be watching.
“Reporting live from Mother Cradles I Meisie Malatji sadly report another of a dozen deaths which began by midnight. As you could see behind me is a body believed to be of a foreign national who owned the store which the firefighters are trying so hard to extinguish. Could this be a string of xenophobic attacks or opportunistic looters preying on the innocent? I have yet to witness such a sight in my reporting years, no life deserves such an end, to the families whom are yet to be located I hope justice heals your most sincere grieving.”
I peed on the spot. The store mentioned belonged to my dad. And the shoes just next to the deceased happened to be a special pair my aunt once bought for my dad when she went to Malaysia the previous year. My grade eleven mind was mature enough to read the sad truth. Wherever my mom was when I got back home, somehow my conscious caught up and like her my words turned fetus. From that moment my ears turned blunt even the whispers of birds where savage. What the looters didn’t know including the reporter was that my dad wasn’t a foreign national.
He was just a dark in complexion proud Tsonga man who wasn’t ashamed of his roots. He was judged to be an unfit African I believe.
Days slowly flipped and atlas his day of farewell became a reality. That dark clothed day wasn’t spontaneous, only a few of my relatives could make it since the attacks where still on alert. A month passed as silent was the usual visitor. Our roof felt open without my dad’s presence. Eventually I passed with no flairs and progressed to matric though daddy wasn’t around to buy me that phone he promised me. Mommy was falling behind on rent and sadly we were evicted just before Christmas Eve. My dad invested everything he had on that store and we had little left in our savings to survive. Through help from a neighbor we managed to buy a piece of land in the outskirts of city life. Forced to bid farewell we didn’t even have the time to recall all the moments we spent as suburban’s. I remember the long stretched drive we took passing patches of green lost lands. The gravel’s which seeded anger towards the unknown. Finally, we reached our destination. From the outside the place looked smaller then my previous bedroom. The yard was thorned with bile and I couldn’t slide the thought of such conditions, but I had no other option! My new home was an insect loft, no water system, no lights and the neighbors where strange and unwelcoming.
There was a big tree in the yard and a loud irritating noise always came out of the thick shrubs. My mom found me space in a nearby farm school and eventually my first day became present. The school was a steep hour walk away from home and the classes where just walls that stood between lessons and snakes which often hissed in the school privies. I was the only one with new uniform and that made me a loner even to the teachers as my stature I believe wasn’t desperate enough. There were no lights at the school so we relied only on the chalk board. Everyone was unfriendly towards me. I was the odd presence out. A month passed and I somehow got used to the bad breath of keeping my voice locked. My new home was nothing to write about.
Six months down the line I enrolled for winter classes during the June holidays. A small camp was set up at a church for needy students and I was part of the flock. For two weeks I was to live away from home, for two weeks I would again like past flush, drink water from a tap and hear cars hoot on smooth tars since the school was located in a township just a few hours away from home.
The day finally came and I arrived carrying a smile I couldn’t wipe. I knew the feeling was temporary though that didn’t stop my amusement of seeing people again, ordinary welcoming people! The first day was all greet and talk and for a Monday it was far from being blue. The dirt was relieved from my shoulders and I could voice again with people I can relate to as peers. Tuesday began with classes and midday we were given the privilege to have a breather as we had evening classes as well. I decided to take a walk and as I was to exit – I met a wondering flower I couldn’t resist.
She had small eyes and her body was just right to intrigue my silly. I followed her just a step from her shade. Trying to calculate the depth of my voice, I cleared my throat and as I was to brave she turned around and I passed her like a fool. With her behind me I was off balance and since I wasn’t familiar with the place I decided to act as if I’m trying to tie my shoe laces, just so she could pass me. Though she stopped before me and asked if I knew where the shop was? With shivers all over my body – I could only answer with my hollow head and as she was just about to walk away I stopped her. Lauding the name on her badge, “Bianca”!
Me: “I’m also looking for a store, maybe we could walk together”?
Bianca: “ok as long as you promise you won’t be a bore”!
She said smiling with her eyes. I felt so warm I could take her voice as an eternal blanket. She opened a chapter I never knew existed in me. Such a flair of happiness erupted that I couldn’t contain the aspect of not paying for her things once we reached the store. She bought sanitary pads and even though they were a bit hefty in my pocket the whole was worthwhile. We eventually walked back and I remember her holding my hand before we cut ties. It was so soft I felt the edger of falling asleep on the spot. Moving away from her I could sense the stars applauding. That evening I could only hear the teacher blearing as my mind was farfetched, even twilight couldn’t end as the moment was still soaked on my heart. Wednesday morning while walking to class she came from behind me; I could smell her scent approaching, though I didn’t want to act desperate so I walked till she tapped me on the shoulder.
Bianca: “let’s skip class today?”
Me: “what about the register, wouldn’t we be in trouble.”
Her: “no silly just walk in and pretend to have a stomach bug, they’ll excuse you and will meet outside the premises.”
Lying wasn’t my cup of tea – though somehow she had a hold on me I couldn’t shake off. Surprisingly her plan worked and we met outside. Within seconds she raised her hand towards an oncoming taxi and lured me to climb in. I frankly did and we headed for town. I was stung as she kept our destination secret until we reached a building situated within the CBD area. We climbed the stairs all the way to the 8th floor till we reached an apartment belonging to her friend she said. She had the key and as we walked in there was nothing much but a bed and worn out couch inside. She tiptoed towards the windows which she slightly opened since it was muff inside and sat on the bed. By that time, I was still standing and she pointed her finger towards me and called me to sit beside her.
My mind was in sevens since I never in my life found myself in such a compromising position. She slid her trainers off, followed by the socks and started whining about how hot it was in the room. She slowly turned her eyes snake and I could sense her movements pestering between my legs. The intense was sweaty and she wasted no time and bit my lips. I felt a quick rush of pain as a split of blood lake’d from my lower lip and just before I could confide, she strangely nourished the wound with her saliva filled tongue. She unstrapped her bra and her chest was loose and weak. She reached for the pillow case and took out cuffs. She seemed to poses some kind of strength towards me and each and every move I tried to decline she knew very well how to lure me to calm. She cuffed me from the head of the bed and slipped down my pants along with my undies. My hose was exposed and she kept rubbing it continuously though she still kept her pants on. Through the heat she stopped and reached for her cellphone in her pocket. Her face changed and her nice self was depleted. She called someone to enter the room and within moments on an old man walked in wearing what looked like a wig. He handed her money and just like that she wore her bra and shirt and walked out carrying her shoes. The man smelled like a walking fire place and by the blink of my eye he tied a cloth on my mouth. He undressed and kept on insisting I stay calm. Each word he spoke glancing at me I saw him harden and harden until he rubbed my anus with a lubricant and he did it.
My tears couldn’t bring him to his senses and the pain was so severe I passed out. Woke hours later and the man was still in the room snoring. The cuffs where too tight and I couldn’t even find means to try and escape. An hour later he woke up and again continued. The pain was so intense that I lost all forms of feelings, with each stroke – tears fell off and slowly dried, I was awaiting death. He finally released and took off the cloth on my mouth and poured some substances on it as he placed it on my nose. That was the last time I saw his face. I woke up all dressed up on the sidewalk just a blocks away from the church we stayed in. I tried standing up but failed. Had to crawl back and sadly when I reported Bianca I found out she didn’t even exist on the register! Reading between the lines it caught my attention that I never even saw her in the classes I attended.
I was taken to the hospital and the police came and took my statement. Later on I found out that the building is deserted and due for demolition. A day later I was discharged and the headmaster released me from school and ordered me to go home. I was supposed to spend two weeks though I couldn’t even last a week – all because of the thought of love which spit at me. The drive back home wasn’t grounded though fogged with words to approach my still grieving mother. It was then that I decided not to confide her. Arriving home I was met with sudden changes. There was building materials all over the yard and when I entered I found my mom cleaning whilst a brand new generator was placed next to her bed. When she saw me her face lit and she came rushing towards me to give me a huge hug. It was then that I realized how lucky I was to be alive, that this priceless moment could have been far stretched to never ever again. She urged me to sit down.
Mom: “son I have great news, your father’s life cover paid out just the day you left for winter school.”
The joy she had was similar to the one shared between her and my dad. Even though my dad was a fad, his presence still made sure we were fed. My little sister was wearing a fairy dress and she kept on dancing around the small place. I smiled even though just a few hours ago that was the last thing I could think of. The following day the building guys came to clear the yard and clean up before they could start. They worked from morning till midday and only the large tree was remaining. As they were about to lay axe on it an old frail woman came rushing like a toddler and told us we making a big mistake chopping off the tree, but mommy insisted that the tree be removed. The men carried on as the woman watched from a close distance speaking in tongues. Each and every branch they cut off she yelled in agony until it was surfaced.
As they began to dig around it to reach its roots a sudden loud noise erupted from the sky and a lizard as frail as the women crippled out of the shrubs. The clouds suddenly turned pale and the women suddenly had a smile on her face. She walked away and right after it started to drizzle and the guys decided to down tools for the day. That night I couldn’t sleep. My breath was squeezed and each and every time I tried to fall asleep, a sudden presence seemed to choke me repeatedly till I would wake up. The sweat was so intense and even when I tried to brush it away it all came back again. Soaked with fear I decided to wake up and go sleep close to my mom on the floor. And just like that I fell peacefully asleep!
The next morning, I woke up very early still disturbed by last night’s occurrences. As I walked towards the toilet a scorpion came out rushing out our yard towards the woods close by. Alert as there might be another in the toilet I picked up a branch from the cut tree and slowly walked towards the toilet and just as I reached, a snake came out in the same manner as the scorpion and headed to the woods as well. My heart started to leak. I proceeded to the toilet and as I opened a number of big flies flew out pouncing on my forehead. It was then I realized the dead cat on the toilet seat. And its neck seemed to be slid apart. I rushed to the house yelling for my mom and she came out wrapping herself with a towel carrying a disorganized face. I quickly pointed to the toilet which she rushed towards but on her arrival there was no dead cat! The moment turned me into a fool and as she walked past me towards the house, my little sister yelled and we both ran inside.
We found her sitting on a corner pointing into a box where her toys were. Slowing walking towards the box a similar cat I saw in the toilet sprung out and rushed out the door. Puzzled as to how it was alive my mom decided to take no chances and called in the local pastor. While waiting for the pastor the men who were supposed to start building called and told us the unbearable. Apparently this morning one of the guys was woken by a black cat in the house and as he chased it out he was met by a Mozambican national who slid his heart out in broad day light. The man was apprehended by neighbours and before they could end his life the cops came and took him away.
The guys insisted the old woman had something to do with that and unfortunately they couldn’t proceed. Just after their call – the pastor walked in and he started spitting mucous around the house. My mom quickly rushed to get him water and when he handed the jar to him, he slapped it off my mom and ran out the house. It was as if the day commanded us to weakness and as we spent the whole of it clearing the shrubs and throwing them to the woods, a strong wind emerged. As we ran for cover it passed but only where the bricks my mom bought where situated. Within minutes it cleared and the bricks still standing where somehow turning into flakes, not one pallet not two but all of them. The situation was clearly beyond our reach and as we tried means to recall the day’s event we heard songs of praise heading in our yard.
It was the pastor along with his congregation. They started singing and praying around the yard and as they praised a loud scream emerged from the roots of the tree since they were yet to be dug out. The congregation kept still as the noise increased until it stopped and the silence was followed by a whistling cold breeze. As we braced a form of spirit, a young man slowly walked passed on the streets. He turned his head towards us while walking and laughing similar to how the frail woman laughed the previous day. As his presence faded in darkness the pastor instantly fell and his pulse was numb. An ambulance was called and he was taken to hospital. My mom made tea for the congregation and as soon as they left we locked ourselves in the house, sleepless with baggy eyes. Midnight arrived and as my mom was about to urge us to pray something started walking on the roof but the noise didn’t last long. Eventually we slept!
The following morning, I woke up and walking around the yard something caught my attention. The cut tree seemed to be rapidly showing signs of life even though we poured engine oil on top and around the remaining roots. I quickly went to call my mom and upon her arrival she too was stunned. She decided to call a traditional healer who wasted no time in coming. Upom his arrival, entering our yard he started complaining about pains on his knees and that something restricted him from coming in. he eventually addressed us from outside the yard enforcing the presence of a strong cult in the yard been built around the tree, and we have disturbed it. Before he could leave I asked him about the noise on the roof and he whistled towards the woods. A dog came rushing and he scooped the eye glands from the dog and placed them on my eye lids. He said whatever it is troubling us I will see it at midnight. That day we did nothing much but count our ordeals and when midnight emerged the movements started. Under the instructions of the healer I prepared myself even though my mom was reluctant. I walked out with a ladder and from the side I climbed up. There was a shady presence which didn’t seem to recognize me. Its back was turned towards me and as I slowly walked towards it, it seemed to sniff continuously till it turned and I realized it was an Orangutan (ape) with a deformed face. It sniffed blind towards me yet I could sense it felt my presence and as it got closer and closer it released a loud noise pointing its sharp teeth towards me. As I was steadily walking back I lost footing and fell from the roof to the surface yet the fall felt cushioned. It was then I realized that I just fell on top of my little sister.
She followed me when I went out while mommy was praying. Suddenly the shivers in me escaped from my pores and before I could patch things up my mom was screaming. Sadly, that night was the last for the little princess and I was responsible.
One could never point at which face our smiles turned dry, though needless to say everything close to me was deteriorating. My mom wasn’t strong enough to handle my little sister’s death and she was soon booked at a mental institution. It’s been three years now and it’s so severe she even forgot that I exist. Whenever I visit she always mistakens me for one of the male nurses. I know live with my aunt, she decided to take me in after my mom was booked at the institution.
Today marks the day that I graduate as a forensic specialist. Three years after my ordeal! I have no sides I can turn to and smile even though my aunt has braved my silence. I still visit and pass the place which I hate to have once called home. That tree is still hanging and the new occupants seem to be lost in thought as they watch me pass by. I am Lewis Ngobeni!
Written and Narrated By Koketso Dzumba
