Dear January,
Die.
That is the one short and direct word that can express just how much I despise you. Never have I ever met a woman as stingy and inconsiderate as you. Even though you are fully aware of what your gold-digging sister December does to us, you still show no mercy, no grace when we stagger towards you.
You watch us as we plan our budgets for the festive season, trying to save money for you. I bet you sit there and cackle at our futile efforts, don’t you, you cold-hearted witch? The least you could do is be short and filled with love like your sweet cousin February, but no. No, you get off on watching us pinch unpinchable pennies, borrow money we don’t have and only regain our financial stability in March. You truly are a son of a year.
Jan-u-worry, how the hell are we supposed to keep our New Year resolutions if you’re like this? They require the money you so selfishly hide from us. Even when paydays roll around, you snatch that money away too because you simply won’t let us be great.
Jan, we’re wary. You need to change your ways, you bitter old hag. Sit back and watch your family treat us well throughout the year and you better takes notes. Then make sure you apply what you learn to your attitude next year or I’ll start a petition to have you fired. This is no idle threat and you know it. I’m not the only person who can’t stand your sourness, I’m just the first to say it to your face.
P.S. Don’t even think about convincing the others to be as stingy as they were last year. Yeah, I know that was your idea.
Article By Nosiphiwo Mgoduka
