By: The RAM (Rational African Man)
Why I stand against the modern feminists – The fight for rationality in a perpetually “outraged” society
“Feminism as a movement, in seeking to create equality for women in the social, political, economic, and occupational spheres” – Psychology Today, 2009.
The world is changing…or has changed. Men have opened their eyes to realise that women are more than just dependent child-bearing humans and that women are capable of doing as much as their male counterparts can (barring of course certain physical tasks – but that’s a debate for another day). Rightfully, both sides now have equal access to education and health care.
While it is very easy for a young African man or woman to drown in identity and equality politics, we must not easily accept the face value of the modern “woke’’ movement.
I hope at this point I have not already been labelled as a chauvinist contributor who is about to defend “male privilege’’ and “toxic masculinity”. I hope. Stay with me… bear with me.
Maybe I should start with a question (as all interesting discourses usually do)…
What should the main goal of a young woman be?
Should a woman strive to be equal to a man in all aspects?
Should all gender roles be changed?
Okay, alright… so that was technically “3 questions” and not “a question”. My apologies dear Reader. Don’t leave to check your WhatsApp yet. Again …bear with me.
In any case, the questions are connected and I might not have the answers but allow me to shed some “light” on this issue.
- Strong and independent – your right, your goal
Every adult should have the goal to be strong and independent. Satisfaction and self-fulfillment comes from knowing that you’re able to bring home the “cheese”. The transformation of our African Society from the Hunter-Brings-Home-The-Meat into a more pay-for-brain society means that both men and woman have the duty and the opportunity to take care of their own families. In the search for my second job after graduating from University, I sat across a panel of three accomplished women who were interviewing me. There was no doubt in my mind that these women were far more experienced and probably, more intelligent than I am. Their knowledge of the field and their ability to judge human character objectively was actually greater than that of several male managers I have had in my budding career. Interestingly, all 3 were married. The world and the company would have run a great loss if these women had instead, chosen to be “House-wives”.
So there is strong case for all women to be educated, to make money, to “slay” (in the mature sense) and to provide for themselves or their families.
Now here is where high heels will be thrown at my face:
Within a married set-up of husband and wife, that dynamic changes. It doesn’t mean that the woman stops working but rather, she recognises the role a man now plays.
Masculinity, is heavily linked to leadership and the ability to provide for one’s woman or one’s family. Dr Richard Petty, British clinical psychologist, noted that men who were unable to lead or provide for their families have noticeably lower testosterone levels than their counterparts. The case being made here is that consciously or subconsciously, men are aware of the role they are born to play. This by no means undermines the brave single mothers and women who toil daily to provide for demanding families in an increasingly tough economy. All due respect should be dutifully given to them.
So in a traditional heterosexual family, when a woman says “I do”, she acknowledges the role that the man will play in her life and the due respect that must come with it. This, by all means, does not give a man the right to become the oppressor.
Or become the tyrant who cannot be questioned.
The man should recognise his responsibility and take ownership of them. There is nothing wrong with meaningful and hard work to provide for one’s own family. Neither is there anything wrong with a woman who cooks and provides for her man and children. The strongest relationships are built from recognising those roles. Both can work, both can provide – but a car with two drivers is still yet to be invented. So for now, let’s stick one leader in the family.
There is a trade-off to be made. You either lead a man and accept the timidness that comes with that position.
- Equality – in which aspects?
Most of the atrocities that women face have been caused by men – statistically speaking. Think of the wars as well as the economic nightmares. On an interpersonal level too, the statistics of spousal sexual and emotional abuse are alarmingly high.
However, at this moment, please indulge the “not all men” claim.
Any man committing an illegal physical or emotional injustice on any woman should face the full might of the law.
The problem with modern feminism arises when somehow the #MeToo and #MenAreTrash movements become intertwined. It is true that many men are guilty of infidelity and abuse but.. not all men. Moreover, in their fight against the animalistic behaviours of men, many women have adopted the behaviours in men that they detest.
Infidelity and unfaithfulness used to be a male trait that mothers warned their daughters about. However, the sexual interests and behaviours of women have now begun to strongly mirror that of men. The music, the movies, the media all seem to claim this transformation of the young female mind-set as a victory for the “ladies-army”. Girl power.. right?
The issue reaches a boiling point when the young men recognise this trend and “postpone” commitment. The current global average marrying age for men is 28 years. In the 1980s, this figure was in the early 20s. Modern feminism is eroding the institution of marriage and commitment.
The media too is to blame, for the depictions of a real man as being the man with many women and the accomplished woman as being the one that “doesn’t need a man” in her life but hops from one bed to the next… interestingly, in search of a real man.
True power comes from self-control, commitment and recognising gender roles with the institution of marriage (and the natural precursor of marriage – dating). The feminist movement for all it has done, has benefited women globally and has actually made the standard of life better for all. Somewhere along the line, it unfortunately transformed from “we can do anything a man can do” to “we will do everything men do”.
By: The RAM (Rational African Man)
